Thursday, March 27, 2008

Apparently I'm An Expert

Funny thing that life can be. I've once had expirations to become a movie producer or writer. Maybe one day. I dream of being a scout for an(y) NFL team. It certainly isn't for the lack of trying since I've mailed just about every team east of the Pacific Ocean. At least nowadays, I have been getting feedback. I heard from the Falcons new General Manager. No job offer, but at least he took the time to write. I even heard from Tom Osborne, the former Cornhusker coach. I need to get that letter framed. I sent several letters to the 49ers just today. I'm willing to work for any team, even the team that beat my favorite team twice in the Big Show so as long as I can stay in the Southeast. But, I am willing to relocate for the right opportunity of course.

Apparently there is a BIG difference between mailing a resume to some soul in the human resources office (always hated that term) and writing a heartfelt letter to the Executive Vice President, General Manager (insert fancy title here) about how I want to start a new career and work my way up and that your organization can make this kid's dream come true. Like America huh? God willing!

Anyways, since I'm not to that stage of being asked "Where do you see yourself in five years?" (oh, perhaps married with a baby girl on the way, 10 pounds heavier, more chest hair and less hair where I really want to keep it), I do get asked questions of another sort.

Just a few weeks ago, I was pushing carts (I prefer to be on the road) in the parking lot, when someone drove up and said "Excuse me, sir! Where do you find like dirty magazine stores or naked girls?" Believe me, this town isn't exactly the cultural center of the world. I just told him head out west and get off exit such and such. He even wondered what they did there to which I replied, "Oh the usual stuff, they have showers (at least they did when I was there ten years ago), maybe some mud wrestling."

I also have been asked about everything from how to fix a broken marriage (keep in mind I'm single), drinking problems to dating (show up on time, be clean especially around the mouth, be easy with the hands, etc...)

Sigh! Oh one day, I will become a scout for some team, then work my up to General Manager of some team (maybe the Bengals even), get a few Super Bowl rings, get married, have a baby girl named Peyton (or twins named Peyton and Carson), and live happily ever after. Until then, I will keep on prodding along.

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