Thursday, January 8, 2009

Do Women Really Care About Size?

WARNING: This is not for the faint-hearted!

I am a reader of Life According to Candice in large part because she is a witty writer and pretty hot too at least judging from her picture. But she is already married, so that ruins it for me. Now Candice, if I send you an invitation to my birthday party, you will attend right?

She posted a recent topic regarding a "Conversation with Taylor" about a guinea pig. LOL.

This got me to thinking about a blog topic all its own, so here goes:

Okay, so I admit it: I've seen episodes of Ally McBeal (or is it McMeal?) and Sex and the City out of plain curiosity, but I'm not what one would consider a truly obsessed raving lunatic of a fan of these shows. I'm a bigger follower of the Dukes of Hazzard and the X-Files which is not to be confused with the pornographic movie version which came several years after the show was already on the air. Now for any of those Sex and the City fans, which episodes have female mud wrestling in it?

I gathered from watching a handful of Sex and the City episodes is these ladies really have a thing for men who have a big penis as well as a lot of money.
One scenario has Samantha finding a man she wants to have a relationship with, but for one problem: his penis is too small. She cries about it, whines to her friends about it, and finally, in a couple's therapy session with the unfortunate dude, blurts out that it is too small! The guy storms out, and the female counselor nods sagely at Samantha in sympathetic understanding. All to the good, since Samantha's friends had already agreed it was OK to dump a guy if it's too small. The Ally McBeal program also depicted women ditching men who weren't up to their size standards.

Women also make a distinction about length vs. girth, in that the thickness is mentioned by some as being more important than total length. Indeed, a penis that is too long can be the cause of discomfort or even pain (there's another episode of Sex and the City where Samantha dumps a guy for being too big). And to think women have it tough today.

I first became aware of the issue of big versus small penis after reading The Devil and John Holmes by Mike Sager which appeared in Rolling Stone magazine in 1989.
I was 12 at the time. Apparently, John Holmes was an icon for men at that time. These days, I gather it is Ron Jeremy (Oh Lord!) or Peter North who first started out in gay porn.

Among my buddies back when I was even younger, we referred to it as "the dooger". I looked up definitions about this term online and came up with a sampling:

"weird, $$$$ed up, messed, also can mean wild, thrilling, or just cool."

"a good fellow who deserves a much better life than what he is given, being constantly teased but then rising up to have mad respect out of the unique characteristics he has from being teased as a child, a good, non annoying christian person who is fun for a laugh or so. there life sucks."

"A slang term, commonly used to refer to males named Luis from Puerto Rico. Normally the individual in question will be a walking hard on, prone to sleazing on Asian girls in a drunken and over bearing manner."

I never met anyone by the name of Luis from Puerto Rico by the way.

"That girl over there, she is a dooger." I think this means a transsexual or a hermadite.

"A hot dog, particularly prepared at a summer cook out." Indeed! Best topped with relish and mustard.

But what can I say? I'm an oddball. Even as a teenager, I wasn't into "the game" because my hormones hadn't revved up yet. But nowadays, at an age when most men are starting to wind down, I'm on super turbo charge. I will not divulge details about my naughty dreams because well, it speaks for itself. Besides, it would save a lot of embarrassment for all those women I've dreamed about over the years and especially if they are already married, involved or in some other kind of relationship. When I'm not dreaming about what I will be doing 25 years from now, economics, my screenplay, or a million other topics, I dream about this important topic.

But personally, I prefer that men (and women!) use the head that is above their shoulders more than the one down there. Penis size, breast implants, etc... are exaggerated in society. But the society we live in is one of instant gratification and hype. Not exactly complimentary traits if you are seeking a long-term relationship or marriage. I largely suspect just as most men don't care for breast implants, most women don't care for large penises especially if it is fake. After all, recalling from a question and answer session that Kylie Ireland did once, she says that men should be more focused on being better listeners and lovers more than being concerned about the size of their girth.

So, stop worrying and start living.


Denae said...

Yeah, Sex and the City is just over the top because it's TV. Real life is very different but I love that show for a good laugh (and the fashion!).

Amelia said...

Agree. Even though it's depicted on TV as something men should be worried about, in the real world, most women will say size doesn't matter. I still don't understand why it's such a huge part of judging a man's character--stereotypically among the media and entertainment industry. Aside from that, you sure do talk about mud wrestling a lot.

Chris F. said...

Well, mud wrestling is an interest of mine going back to my youth. But that was mostly playing in the mud or a scene here and there on TV. It was the 1980's after all.

For some reason, I've started to come out of my shell the past few years whereas in the past, I pretty much kept to myself. So talking about it isn't that big of a deal anymore. However, I prefer the kids play version over the nightclub act that is so typically associated with it. So, I figured on having a big birthday bash for myself and perhaps celebrate it 80's style. Now if only I had that Michael Jackson jacket and sequined glove. LOL.